Think abt it, having 5 test in a week, over a period of 3 days. What the hell. Had biology mock exam today. Was having a soccer game before the test today. With my shirt all wet, i went into the air-con room. Ok. Set aside being hot and cold for some moment, with not enough sleeping hours this few days, tests stress and relationship probs, i totally broke down when i reached home today. A fever of 38 degree celcius and terrible flu with a bad headache. I was there lying on the bed dying after dinner, until i saw her online and she prompt a chat with me. I crawl out of bed and begin chatting with her, half dead, and ended halfway. That was quite crap without me finishing what i want to say. Never mind, forget abt that.
I know i had been realising lots of things recently, but its good that i realised than not. I realised something just now during our chat again. I realised theres nothing much i can do now to win back her heart. I had used up all my powers and strengths, said whatever i can to gain back our confidence. But it doesn't makes any difference. Maybe to her now is to drag the time and keep me hanging, suffering, till i say to give up. But too bad, dont be sad, i wont. What i can do now is to stand still on the ground and not to do anything. Actually is not not to do anything, but cant do anything. Ultimately, the decision still lies in her. I'm just a puppet =(
I wouldnt let love lead the way,
if not for my own instincts.
Something is wrong,
and I know you are running away.
From me, because you are running
like an angel away from the devils behind her constantly.
Oh there's a slight difference between love and relationship.
I dont need the distinction made clear,
I just wished for you to realised it.
If I've done you wrong,
I should feel guilty.
But it's not me.
If I've hurt you,
I am really sorry.
I dont mean it.
But there are some things in myself,
that's radiating seriously from deep within.
I only know I love you.
And hope you face yourself.