Shhh.....

Monday, August 28, 2006
6:51 PM

Fragments of the words we spoke kept whirling through my mind.. I was thinking.. was the words said all comes from our mind.. I'm sad.. perhaps no word in the dictionary can describe it...

I didn't gave any concentration to my mind today.. for everything i've done.. i was always thinking.. even during the bio practical.. i didn't know i was cutting my hand when i'm cutting the stupid cucumber.. till i felt some liquid dripping.. it wasn't pain.. when my mind didn't feel it.

I have no words left to say..

If one day.. I went missing on purpose,

How would you find me?
Keep ringing up my cellphone or my domestic phone?
Do you know who I would turn to?
Do you know where I would run to?
Or would you just pray for a miracle?
Or would you even bother?

For most of the time, a normal-non-scheming person runs away to hide for two reasons:
=/To have a little time being alone.
=/To be found by you.

If one day.. I were to die,

What would be your first reaction?
Would you say, "What a pity!" or "I cant believe it."?
What would you miss about me?
My stupid jokes, my sarcasm, my blog?
My concern for you?
Or would you still hate me?

the sun will never shine bright again...

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Sunday, August 27, 2006
3:46 PM

I think everything had already ended bahx.. and i ended up with nothing.. yes.. like wat others said... dont give a person everything because when she's gone, u've got nothing... thats me.

In the end, i'm still just a puppet who got fooled around.. a guy who got ditched... a guy who got cheated.. a bad guy.. only by being the bad one.. then i could make u forget me and hate me till the end... only by being the bad one.. then u could love him more.. only by being the one.. then u could be happier.. .. and forget abt everything.. by doing so.. i could have all the blame on .. and not anyone else..

And i realise... to her.. memories are not to cherish.. to her.. the past is just the past.. and wat she wants.. is just a better guy.. not the things that we went through..

Its time for me to turn back to my original place.. not to a place where i shldn't be.. the most complicated ones.. although its not easy to get use to it.. but i have no choice.. theres only a road for me and i can only walk with myself...nothing else.. to heal all my wounds.. i could only use my own hands..

Back to the place where i shld be.. back to where am i..

once i was happy.
and i thought it was always going to be that way.
when suddenly, my world was shattered.
and everything i've dreamt of crumbled to pieces.
and i was left alone with only a handful to start with.

i'm in deep shit.. didn't study anything for tml's exam

i'm sry for all the words that i've said.. i was left with no choice.. but only those words and things that hurt u could end us in a faster way.. i'm really sorry.. i lied everything that i've said..

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Saturday, August 26, 2006
8:37 PM

-[ Great Love, Great Speed, Bad Ending ]-

Should love be fast, furious and hot or should it be slow, steady and constant?

I wonder. I think about how some people could have such intensed love and still be sad while some has a simple love and still be sad too. Then again, such questions reap no reward because they are too many other contributing factors that I cant possibly cover everyone of them.

I wonder how some people "get over" a lost love in three days while some people takes months or even years to get use to the pain(note: get use to, not recover.). When i said "get over", i mean getting involved in a new relationship. For me, a new relationship is no substitute, and i dont wish to hurt anyone. If I wanna be with someone, it would meant that i want to commit and treasure.

But I just cant seem to understand why some people can be in "love" so soon again.

One thing I'm rather sure of: Happy people on stage arent happy.

thats it-

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Monday, August 21, 2006
6:55 PM

Hah. Been more than 1 week since my last. Though still not in the mood, but i think its time for another post. My life has been so thrilling these few weeks. Really so much significant things that happened, and really changed my life.

Stress hadn't gave way to me. Through relationship, studies, friends and family. Although it is not given in a way, but everything that linked up, pushed me down. I'm not elaborating much.

You gotta respect me.
You gotta understand me.

I am no one else.
Treat me like a decent love.

I've got emotions, and my limits.
You arent suppose to be wielding knives,
stabbing them one by one and slowly into the depths of weakness.

The delusions of fault confuses and exhausts me.
Told you once too many times, distinctions arent important
but baby,
I feel underappreciated.
I'm just one poor soul, holding on to a little faith.
Hold it on for me.

For I fear my soul is weak,
and the wound is deep.
The hand's getting loose because I lost too much life fluid.

Too many priorities, you gotta made a decision whether u want me at all.
It isnt fair.
No, not to me.
Hold on to me,
or let me know you are letting go. =

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Saturday, August 12, 2006
6:42 PM

-[ definitely not in the best of moods ]-

Im not smiling.

I dont want a quarrel, so i kept my piece.
Just a little afraid, cause the sky's really bleak.

Really not in the mood to blog.. so wont be blogging till my mood is back.. =(

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Thursday, August 10, 2006
7:23 PM

I'm really such an idiot who lost my confidence.. thats the silliest thing a guy can be..

Realised i lost track of my own soul recently.
Been churned and messed up in this world by this world.
Forgotten my aims, neglected my purposes.
What made me realised: me getting all worked up over small things.
Back to basics,
return to me.
Back to where
I wanna be.
Some say I do reckless things, some say I dont work hard enough.
I guess whatever you say is based on whatever you judged upon,
and certainly your kind of criteria dont work for me.
I cant stop anyone from judging me or anything, and i wont.
You are who you are, no matter how you choose your own life.
Let me choose mine.
I do try to listen and change, for the better,
while still remaining me.
But if i listen to all of your every complains and dissatisfaction with me.
make the "neccessary" changes, to be a "better man"
I would have long be perfect.
That's no where i wanna be.
Im imperfect.

Living in my world, my rules.
Thinking for you, i try my best.
Giving my all everyday.
Gonna stand tall,
gotta be free.
Just that the wild ocean whale that lives in me.
There are times when i need thee,
but there are times that you aint there.
Not to blame,
blame to Life.
There are times that i need peace,
but time and time,
peace lies far.
Savouring wine in a finely tuned glass,
I living my life laughing at hyennas,
crying like shores,
thinking like the wise sage,
but acting like a fool.
Realised,
all i need is none.
Transient,
Life is.
Understand,
humans cant.
Accept me,
as imperfect.

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006
8:41 PM

Went to watch "The fast and the furious" with shenglong, maoqian and eugene today. I'm not well at all throughout the journey. My tears gave no way...

Been hurt by love again.
It's okay,
I'll just take it as part of growing up.
The person that just walked away,
has the smoke still lighted,
but the scent grew blant.

I'm not okay...
Been doing some recollection,
"Thank you," I must say to those that bruised me.
I wanna be optimistic,
to listen to rain all day,
and feel no sadness.

sadness is not a reason anymore...
It's not that I desire loneliness,
but everytime I've bigger share than everyone.
Even if you give me the world now,
all I'll have is still nothing.

I just want you in my life... nothing else..
I want happiness,
that allows me to sleep in peace every night.
Some souls feels warmth when they stop hugging one another,
lose hatred only when they left.
I should have long realised that.

I want you as my happiness
I want happiness,
not afraid to laugh without worries.
My heart is not warm,
everything's a lie.
Only my tears speak the truth.

You melt my heart.. and you drank it..
My decision was wrong/right.
I'm still unaware.

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006
7:26 PM

Finally, celebration ends. No more rehearsals. Quite fucked up today by some of my friends. Always last minute cancel things and made my planning all messed up. Anyway, i'm not going to stay at home tml. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME OUT !!

Time check.
This marks one day without your voice.
How I miss you so,
how your voice will change everything I'm feeling right now.
How I wished I could tell you I love you right now,
and let you know I'll be alright.
I just need you.

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Monday, August 07, 2006
6:46 PM

Celebrating national day tml in sch. Quite excited about it but not as much as before. Perhaps this is my final year in the parade that brings the excitement. What i'm worrying now is the marching of my fellow scouties. They still sucks at marching. Haix. May god bless them tml.

Today is the final day of our 1 week agreement.. whatever the result is...

I believe for every heart that whispers in the dark,
there's a ray of light somewhere shining through.
It was sink,
or swim,
when the tide came in
I found myself when i found you.
I found the closest thing next to heaven.

Wanna bring it to you. Will I get that chance?

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Sunday, August 06, 2006
7:15 PM

As I sit here in front of the comp screen, listening to songs that i've listened hundred over times, I feel a sense of emptiness. I don't how I should put it. But felt that this past year, I've been living my life running around the race track, like I thought I'm moving forward but in fact, I'm not.

-[[ They say if you love something, let it go.

If it comes back, it's yours. That's how you know .]]-

Time let us meet and have our fates crossed.

Time separated us probably.

Time never let us forget the pain,

It only teaches us to live and get use to the pain. (._.)

Waiting endlessly.

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Saturday, August 05, 2006
9:14 PM

Although i was still sick this morning but i still attend the NDP rehearsal today =). But after the whole rehearsal, my body starts to burn... so hot.. and it broke my record with 39.1 degree celcius. Was lying on the bed for the whole day.. feeling much better now after the call.. =)).. but somehow i felt i did something wrong....

I know I'm far from perfect.
But like a child that needs a guiding hand,
can you stay here?
I've finally understand,
you've allways been the missing part,
complete the jigsaw puzzle of my heart.
Please hear me when I say.
You are all that I need
The only treasure i see
You're the air that helps me breathe.
Through the darkness, I went.
I'm all down on my knees,
I was blind but now I see.
You are that I need.
Please let me hear your voice again
let me hear you say your love will never end
that whatever it takes you'll be there
When I say,

You are all that I need.

I'm as blind as love is.

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Friday, August 04, 2006
6:55 PM

Think abt it, having 5 test in a week, over a period of 3 days. What the hell. Had biology mock exam today. Was having a soccer game before the test today. With my shirt all wet, i went into the air-con room. Ok. Set aside being hot and cold for some moment, with not enough sleeping hours this few days, tests stress and relationship probs, i totally broke down when i reached home today. A fever of 38 degree celcius and terrible flu with a bad headache. I was there lying on the bed dying after dinner, until i saw her online and she prompt a chat with me. I crawl out of bed and begin chatting with her, half dead, and ended halfway. That was quite crap without me finishing what i want to say. Never mind, forget abt that.

I know i had been realising lots of things recently, but its good that i realised than not. I realised something just now during our chat again. I realised theres nothing much i can do now to win back her heart. I had used up all my powers and strengths, said whatever i can to gain back our confidence. But it doesn't makes any difference. Maybe to her now is to drag the time and keep me hanging, suffering, till i say to give up. But too bad, dont be sad, i wont. What i can do now is to stand still on the ground and not to do anything. Actually is not not to do anything, but cant do anything. Ultimately, the decision still lies in her. I'm just a puppet =(

I wouldnt let love lead the way,
if not for my own instincts.
Something is wrong,
and I know you are running away.

From me, because you are running
like an angel away from the devils behind her constantly.

Oh there's a slight difference between love and relationship.
I dont need the distinction made clear,
I just wished for you to realised it.

If I've done you wrong,
I should feel guilty.
But it's not me.
If I've hurt you,
I am really sorry.
I dont mean it.

But there are some things in myself,
that's radiating seriously from deep within.

I only know I love you.
And hope you face yourself.

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006
6:42 PM

lets hope...

lets pray...

lets wish...

that we will walk back hand in hand..

to learn...

to live...

to love...

to be back to where we were..

to hope...

to pray...

to wish...

to go beyond the horizon is where we'll be..

lets learn...

lets live...

lets love...

let us stay as one till the end of time..

Give me your hand.. my dear..
Let me hold you tight once again..
And never to slip through my fingers..

I'll be waiting here... I will...
please dont leave alone... cux i really love you so..

Life never stops for me to cry,
so I'm moving on.